In the shower I realised, that my self-understanding follows Heisenberg’s principle. Either the future stretches before me in a rationally planned set of milestones while I grope unsuccessfully for whom I think I am or alternatively, I have a great sense of  self but am adrift in the stream of fate. My choice is shifting back towards seeking the latter and therefore leaving my future in trust. I’m finding that it’s a battle to loosen my white knuckles from a perceived control at the rudder. I suppose there’s truth in the fact that the older one gets, the harder change becomes.

P.S: They say that every 7 years, major life stages fundamentally change a person. They also talk of Saturnalia. I wonder if there’s any truth in either.

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